Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been 6 months since my last confession blog post. I have strayed from the path Father.. into the woods where it's very dark and men do bad things to me.. and I like it.
A Roman Catholic upbringing can do wonders for the direction a child takes in life. Just look at me: a vision of compassion and ethics, honesty and charity, and let us not forget chastity! Years in the parochial school system led me down the straight and narrow path to moral bankruptcy! A lascivious den of inequity where we can have a lot more fun than in church.
Not so long ago, I talked to a middle aged fellow that really shed new light on my religious past. At a bar waiting for my friends, I did my best not to ogle the beefcake bartender and enjoy my drink, when a friendly chap strikes up a conversation with the usual hum-drum questions. When I told him the small Pennsylvania town I grew up in, he was excited to tell me that his college boyfriend lives there now. Shocked not to be the only gay in the village, I demanded a name! Reluctant at first, he coughed up, "John Cross." I choked !!! Vodka tonic up my nose and eyes red and watery... "FATHER John Cross!!!!" My new friend's face turned white... obviously he had forgotten the unexpected career path of his old flame.
Nearly 10 years later I find out my priest and close family friend is GAY! I had a GAY PRIEST ! This is big news!! Really, I have no gaydar, so i never even suspected... but I had always thought I had no gay role models in my life. I had the freedom of consciousness to be as lurid and loose as all my whore girlfriends, + the gay card, so I really had nothing prohibiting wild adventure.
This changes everything, I'm turning a new leaf - from now on I may try not to be such a little slut - and I will try not to out members of the clergy, especially if they never touched me in a dirty way. WAIT - was I that tragic looking in high school that a fat old priest wouldn't even touch me?? How F**king depressing! And now I'm too old. The only chance I have of getting with a priest is Liz's dad.. and that'd be almost incestuous considering how far up Liz's vag I already am.
sigh
+ he's a Lutheran priest anyway .. which doesn't even count.
I'm on my knees already - might as well start praying
Father, how many Hello Mary's should I do in penance ?
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